As anyone who has feline companions knows full well, cats have no need of verbal language. They can make their wishes known with a look, body language, head butts, or in extreme situations (sleeping or stubborn human) a swift right hook to the most convenient body part. As every despot knows, a hint of underlying violence always works a treat.

In our house, the methods vary. Our ginger boy, never a very vocal cat when he was younger, has now with age developed a quite vivid language of his own. As he mostly sounds pretty annoyed, it usually gets some sort of response fairly rapidly. His main tool, however, is the killer glare. He uses this unblinking weapon usually when I am reading, writing, eating or otherwise engrossed, and not paying him what he considers sufficient prompt notice. If I do see him and lift the paper to hide behind it, he just moves round until he can get another clear sight-line, and resumes the glare. This laser beam can also work when someone is asleep and has the recipient starting awake with a "Whaaa….!" reflex only to be met with a pair of green eyes just inches away. Gets the old adrenalin flowing quite nicely. The cat could also have learnt quite a colourful vocabulary from this tactic - had he ever needed one. The large girlie or Feline Blimp, however, is of a much more dramatic bent. She has a wonderful expressive line in ham acting that would have been the envy of a silent film star.

I was in the kitchen the other morning and she was licking her post- breakfast paws by the garden doors. Suddenly she stood up and assumed a 'pointing' posture like the dog Pluto in the old Mickey Mouse cartoons. She looked at me then threw her eyes and whole body towards the garden in an outraged ' Do you see what I see?" movement. I looked out and saw the elderly fox that sometimes strolls through our garden having a sniff around, and paying special attention to the patch of grass where she prefers to recline on hot days. Her whole body posture indicated complete outrage and suppressed emotion, in fact, had she been able to, she would probably have placed the back of her wrist to her brow in a sort of Lilian Gish gesture

She also makes a deep growling noise that sounds like a not- so- small dog. She sometimes does this when she hears strange sounds and often heralds an unexpected ring at the door bell. She would, in theory, make an excellent Watch Cat - if she could be bothered to stay awake.

Anyway, there she was 'pointing' and growling. I didn't want a confrontation, so I tapped on the window to shoo the fox away. The fox looked up and appeared to say 'Was there something you wanted?" and carried on sniffing. She sat down and glared and after a moment, in his own time, the fox went off into the bushes. She stood up again, and I opened the door.

She shot out like a bullet and rushed right to the edge of the patio - and then sat right down again.

I said - "Is that it?" and she turned round and gave me an affronted stare as if to say - "Surely you don't expect me to go down there - there's a hulking great fox roaming around!", and with that continued to sit there peering into the hedge - but with a definite stern look on her face in case any other intruder happened along and was in need of a severe burst of disapproval. It's less Lassie and "What's that,Boy - a fire at the old mine? You fetch the sheriff.." and ..more like - " You go on - I'll stay here and hold your coat….."

She can also indicate which type of cat food she requires by sitting at her plate and throwing her eyes at either the cupboard (tinned) or shelf (crunchy). A wrong move will result in a sad downward stare, and a disappointed hint of 'How little you understand me…..'

There is, however, also the unspoken nuance of …'But you will learn…"

As I said , cats need no verbal communication with us, after all, we do what they want perfectly well without it, so why should they bother?

For now… …

(c) Thelma Mitchell 1995, 2002