KITTEN IN THE 'HOOD...!!!

Our next door neighbours have a new kitten. She is about 8 months old now, and has grey and white markings on her body and legs. She has bright blue eyes, with elaborate black outlines round them reminiscent of the eye make-up that Elizabeth Taylor wore in the film "Cleopatra". She is clever, pretty, lithe, flirtatious, fearless, inquisitive and utterly without any sense of embarrassment. A daunting combination in any female.

My two middle-aged cats are utterly discombobulated by her.

They will try anything to avoid her - fat chance. She "bounces" them, chases them -wanting to play (that's what I assume - she may be offering to fight anything that moves for all I know). She has no regard for protocol and no respect for whose 'special' seat is which and where in the garden, she just rolls about wherever she lands. She disregards all rules concerning rights of way across the trellis that leads to the garage roof (a valuable local observation point), and when confronted by another approaching cat, instead of retreating and waiting respectfully - she just tippy-toes down like a mountain goat using my flowers baskets as stepping stones. They'd never even thought of that.

Of course, they have reached an age when all they require in life is a dignified stroll enlivened by the occasional mouse hunt, or the capture of an inattentive bird. That and regular meals, a warm house, and well-schooled humans. They are like a vicarage tea party gate-crashed by a bimbo who keeps showing her knickers.

However, after several weeks there had been an accommodation reached, mostly. My old boy has been warned not to wallop her on sight, and she is more respectful (or wary) of him.

We also have a visiting "Six-Dinners-Sid" long haired ginger cat (who we call Fat'n'Fluffy - because he is very fluffy - and most amiable) and he is just her absolute idol - and she makes his life a misery. His gentle nature is stretched to its limits by her open hero worship and flirtatious arm-wavings. Being well and truly neutered, he is quite mystified by her attempts at allure. Even he has been reduced to hissing and running by her constant badgering. She takes absolutely no notice and takes off after him - calling the cat equivalent of "But WHY can't I come with you? Huh? Why? Huh? Whyyyyy.....????? ( He eventually couldn't stand it any longer and moved into a house two streets away with a retired couple who adore him).

The only one who seems able to cope with her is my black and white girlie. She is a cat who has no doubt that she is The Queen. She has a "Look" that can freeze a fellow feline in its tracks.

She has no truck with the exuberance of youth - she just fixes her with a stare, and growls some phrase in moggy lingo. The young madam stops, thinks twice, and usually retreats. If she doesn't, she gets a pretty firm hissing. It's obviously a girl to girl thing.

By and large she is a pretty lucky kitten. She not only has a human family of her own, she also has ready-made social "set" right next door to provide entertainment, education and even protection, I'm sure, from the attentions of the large black cat over the road who is the nemesis of my cats. Though I confess I did see her stalking him up the road the other day - and even he was looking rattled. It's a good job she has had her operation.

She dashes here, she dashes there. She is so inquisitive that she pushes you out of the way to get a better look if you're working in the garden, and usually falls into the hole, the plant pot, or whatever - and doesn't care.

They've called her Sparky, and she is.

(c) Thelma Mitchell 2001