'ORRIBLE THINGS CATS CAN DO ….

1) Come in the bathroom when you've just come out of the shower, and rub themselves round your legs. Yugh, instant furry pop sox.

2) Come in the bathroom when you're lying blissfully in the tub, then make themselves comfy on the edge of the bath tub - and just……. stare. After a while you start to wonder if they're connected to some huge collective morphic entertainment centre, and there are people laughing at you all over the infinite cosmic unconsciousness.

3) Wait until you are in the loo, and then sit companionably beside you. Then suddenly sink their teeth into the meaty calf beside their ear. Try escaping from that in a hurry - remember you are both in a small space behind a closed door. Usual opportunity for this is if you have been away for a week or so - payback time.

4) Roll luxuriously on the ironing that you've just done - giving especial care to the woolly jumpers. You will itch for a week unless you get the sellotape or the lint roller out. This is a close cousin of getting into the airing cupboard and doing ditto on the clean towels.

5) Sit on the computer keyboard when you're using it- and look defiant, and menacing.

6) Land heavily on you in the middle of the night, when you're in your deepest sleep - worst case is on your chest, especially if the cat is LARGE.

7) Anything in the kitchen when you are cooking. A fun ploy is to come silently in, and wait silently and patiently - right behind your heels. Guaranteed to give rise to hilarious (NOT) efforts to balance whatever boiling hot thing you were moving from one place to another. Most likely now to be from one place to either floor, or down you. Invariably to be followed by outbreak of loud and colourful language. And in extreme conditions - dinner on the floor. In totally vile conditions - on the walls.

8) Silently moving to sit under your chair, and feet, when you're working at the computer, thus when you stand up - shrieks all round.

9) Learning how to open the fridge door.

10) Making you forgive simply everything from 1- 9

© Thelma Mitchell 2005